Kicking Against the Goads...

Oh yeah...I've been kicking for about five years now. (Well, actually, most of my life!)

Ever worked in a deli? I read about a study that discovered that food service people are among the most depressed folks around. It may be a combination of stress- juggling 3 projects at once and being constantly interrupted to wait on customers, and knowing that you spend your days preparing unhealthy foods that will be sold to people at ridiculously high prices. That doesn't give you a real feeling of satisfaction.

So, day after day, I've found myself feeling depressed on the way to work and having to really talk myself through it. (Wow! This is beginning to sound like a therapy session.) I've rebelled at the very thought of being stuck in this particular job. I've also rebelled against working outside the home, period. Home is my comfort zone. I'd like to hide there forever. If you look at the personality test at the bottom of my blog, you'll see that I'm 100% introverted. That explains a lot.

Lately, God has been changing my heart. Or, maybe, I've begun to allow my heart to learn something from Him. All isn't suddenly exciting and fun, but I realize that this journey has been really necessary for me.

Now many of you may have been offended by me talking about hiding at home. Don't be. Being home to raise and homeschool my kids was one of the most important things I've done in my life. I look back and see that it's a miracle what God brought about in my children, considering the fact that their mom needed a lot of work.

Being home THEN was the right thing to do, but for an extreme introvert like me, staying at home after the kids are grown would only leave me stunted and unusable for God's work. So He "gently forced" me out of my comfort zone and began a period of training, which continues to this day.

I'm learning to relate to others in a way I never would have if I hadn't been pushed out into the public eye. I can't believe how different I am now from the fearful, shy person I was 5 years ago. My extroverted husband still thinks I have a long way to go. I'll never be an extrovert, and I don't believe God made a mistake when he made me. But the enemy of our souls can take our personality type and contort it in such a way that we will be crippled and unable to follow God's leading in our lives.

Sometimes it's necessary to go through a painful course of treatment so that we can become a vessel God can use. It's worth it in the end. If you're going through the same thing, keep your eyes on God. Things aren't nearly as mundane as they appear on the surface. Eternal things are being formed inside of you through every daily struggle. God doesn't waste an opportunity.

"...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:3-5

God wants to use you...